Setting Boundaries

The throat chakra greatly benefits when we set boundaries using communication skills that are courteous and respectful. Below are come communication strategies to help achieve this aim, because as we know that some conversations do not always turn out that way! (Other ways to optimise the throat chakra include, creative activities, singing, chanting, sighing, yoga ), will be found in my book, Chakra Wisdom Workbook, available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BW2QM5G7  and here Shop

 

If someone projects their negativity towards you, i.e., their ‘bad wolf’, (see My Favourite Short Story) they, would like nothing more than for you give them some of your negativity back to them, (your bad wolf), and in doing so you feed their ‘bad wolf’ with more negative energy, which can lead them into thinking that were justified in their disrespectful behaviour to you in the first place!. In reality, you just end up with 2 bad wolves fighting each other! Practice not taking the ‘bait’!

They (or we) may not be doing this consciously; it may just be the habitual way they communicate. Some people may have convinced themselves that this is the only way they get heard or get their needs met. They tend to speak with anger or by being condescending, blaming, ridiculing, demeaning, teasing, or bullying. These people may unconsciously or consciously want to cause conflict and drama in your life when in reality, the conflicts and dramas are in theirs!

Implementing some of the strategies below will help you in being proactive in bringing peace to the situation and reducing the possibility of you accumulating stress and tension in your mind and body.

Communication Skills to optimise your throat chakra

1. Practice detachment. 
When you do not ‘buy into’ another person’s ‘attack’ all their own negativity will ‘bounce’ back to them, sometimes so forcefully that they must walk away! This is especially noticeable in children who may go to their room and slam the door – sometimes coming out in less than a minute as they ‘resolve’ the issue within themselves.

This may be a learning opportunity for them (a teachable moment), and you helped them by practising detachment and not reacting to their initial outburst in a similarly negative manner. When only one person is doing the arguing, it runs out of energy! Sometimes it can be good to remind yourself, of an old Polish saying:

          ‘It’s not my circus and it’s not my monkeys.’

Initially, we may need to ‘fake’ detachment as a strategy to deal with the situation. We may tell ourselves, “I’m not going to react, I’m not going to react”, but unless we practice true detachment and do not take things too personally, all those suppressed feelings will be held in your body! If this is done on a regular basis, it will affect the Throat Chakra especially, and cause symptoms in the shoulders, throat, bronchial tubes, neck, and for some people, lead to a tight jaw and the grinding of teeth.

2. Be receptive.
Sometimes people may express something with an element of truth, regarding your behaviour or suggest something you could do differently, although they say it in a negative, attacking, and disrespectful way. If you can detect some truth behind some of what they are saying (even though they did not express it appropriately!), it is beneficial to get our ego out of the way and say something like, “I hear what you are saying, and I will give it some thought.”

Once again, all the negative and antagonistic energy they displayed during the interaction will ‘bounce’ back to them. Be wary, as some people may give you their opinions as a way of controlling you. If there is no truth whatsoever to what they are saying, practice detachment as outlined in No.1 above, or practice number 3 below.

3. What behaviour would you appreciate from them? – i.e. Setting Boundaries.
When you interact with another person and you feel that their behaviour or speech is not acceptable, it is wise to respond by speaking up and asking for what you want. It is better to ask for what you want, rather than going on and on about what you do not want. To do this it is important to first get clear by asking yourself, “What behaviour would I like them to be displaying right now?” or “What virtue would I appreciate them displaying right now?”

Examples of virtues are in chart below.

If you do not know what you want, the more likely you are to react rather than respond. In reacting, it is easy to express yourself in a negative way by going on and on about what they said or did, what they should not have said or done or that they always or never do this or that, etc. And then that can lead to a even further escalation of tension by bringing up many unresolved issues from the past!

As I mentioned above, when setting boundaries with others (or yourself), it is wise to ask for what you do want instead of saying what you don’t want; i.e., you will be asking them (or yourself), to display a virtue – examples below.

For example, if someone spoke to you in a rude, disrespectful, or angry way, you could ask for what you want (and deserve) and say to them, “When you speak to me, I would appreciate you speaking to me with more respect”, and then consciously be detached from any further challenges in their response. You are not asking for anything unusual! We teach others how to love and respect us by how we love and respect ourselves.

In all our interactions we want to treat others as we would want to be treated. Aim to be a mentor to others with your behaviour, speech, and attitude to life.

4. Walking away.
Sometimes is important and wise to walk away, either to get away from the situation completely or just for a ‘breath of fresh air’, so that you can gather your thoughts so you can respond consciously and with wisdom.

We all acquire better communication skills when we set out to do so. We may not have had the best role models early in our lives so it is up to us to behave in a manner that we feel we would like to and to set boundaries with others as to their behaviour toward us. We teach others how to love and respect us by how we love and respect ourselves.

More information will be found in my book, Chakra Wisdom Workbook, available here: Shop

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‘We can only find peace with the physical world when
we are at peace with ourselves.’
– Maharaj Charan Singh

If you are struggling with your thoughts, personal interactions, experiencing a
personal crisis or have anxiety or depression, please seek help from a doctor,
health professional, counsellor, or therapist.